General Psychology | More Simply Human

After the Credits Roll

When I leave a movie, I can’t help but compare it to my own life. Whatever moods or themes resonate with me remain stuck in my mind. I think about the similarities between my life and the movie. Sometimes these thoughts leave me feeling like my own life doesn’t measure up. I’m not happy enough or fit enough or fulfilled enough. It’s a frustrating feeling based on some illusion that these life-goals are attainable and sustainable. After all, Hollywood shows us that it’s possible.

One problem we have in our society is that we tend to think that, like in the movies, we are going to have the perfect ending. You know what I mean, I’m sure… At the end of the movie, the protagonist of the film drives off into the sunset, or reunites with a loved one, or gets the girl, or accomplishes a mission, or grieves a loss, or overcomes a big hurdle. Often, he or she winds up in a better spot. There is a sense of resolution and relief, of profound and lasting positive change. The end.

This is what we want for ourselves, too. Resolution. An ending that is better than the beginning. Eventually feeling better than where we started. And the movies appeal to us because they give us the idea that we can wind up there, too. And, what is more, that we can remain there, permanently. And seeking this ending can become our lifetime goal. We imagine that it is attainable and that it will endure.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this feeling. But it is a fantasy. Because none of us gets to stay in a good spot forever. That’s just not life. It’s not reality. In reality, we may get to the climaxes we see in the movies. The difference is that we won’t stay there. We’ll reach a goal, a personal apex. But we will inevitably backslide. And then the journey will begin again.

Life is a series of perpetual highs, lows, and in-betweens. And coping with this reality is what it’s about. I think some of us become more depressed and anxious when we think that there is some positive end-goal, some delightfully happy ending. And that once we find it, we’ll stay right there basking in the sweet goodness forever. Like in the movies. But it’s simply not going to happen. And, really, we can live with that truth. We can cope. We can evolve even as we struggle through life’s muck.

A challenge we all face is to know what comes after the happy ending, should we ever reach it. Because, trust me, life isn’t over after that. And it’s impossible to stay in one place for too long. And that, my friends, is the stuff of real life. It’s where fiction ends and reality begins.

More Simply Human

In 1947, psychologist Harry Stack Sullivan wrote:

“In most general terms, we are all much more simply human than otherwise, be we happy and successful, contented and detached, miserable and mentally disordered, or whatever.”

Sullivan believed that human struggles can be linked to the delusion that we are alone in our suffering and are alienated from others in our problems. He wrote that we mistakenly assume that no one has the troubles that we face, and that we suffer in isolation, apart from everyone else. He called this construct “the delusion of uniqueness.” (I call it “poor me.”)

Over 65 years later, I believe that Sullivan is still correct. Many of us are caught up in the notion that we are alone, that we suffer alone, and that no one understands the pains and pressures of our lives. For me, mental health stems from the awareness that, in fact, we are not at all isolated, but instead we are vastly interconnected. We are not unique in our problems. We do not struggle alone. And the belief that we do makes us miss countless opportunities for connection, and the healing that connection offers.

Sullivan’s theories also focused on the social and cultural aspects of human psychology. He sought to understand and to teach the interaction between the person and society. We know ourselves, he said, through our interactions with others. And we shape and are shaped by our social influences. We do not exist in isolation at all. Instead, we come to be how we are through ongoing interactions with our social world.

In this blog, I hope to address the ways that we humans are more interconnected than we are disconnected. I hope to highlight the ways that connection teaches us about ourselves, each other, and promotes health. I also hope to discuss the impact of larger societal structures on the ways that we understand ourselves, and, ultimately, how we can find fulfillment through knowledge, connection, and openness to each other.

For, after all, we are all more simply human than otherwise.